Children born by surrogate mothers. Expert advices to parents.

More and more often mass media writes about yet another celebrity used services of surrogate mother and became happy parents. Number of ordinary people whose lives are not covered in press but who became parents with the help of modern reproductive technologies is also rather high. According to medical statistics, more than 300,000 registered children in the world were born by surrogate mothers. The real figure is five times higher. It’s practically impossible to count the number of children born with the help of surrogate mothers because many women who shoot Niagara usually do not disclose their secret and feign own pregnancy. The reason for this is that this procedure is banned at the state level in most European countries. For example, in Austria, Sweden, Norway, Germany, Poland, France and some U.S. states this service is prohibited.

But, that is the moment you have overcome all own fears and prejudices of society and are looking forward to the birth of your baby, who will be borne by a woman agreed to be a surrogate mother. A logical question arises - does surrogacy influence the child and family relationships in future? Perinatal psychologist shared her knowledge in this matter.

Correspondent: one woman carries a child and after his birth another one raises him. Does this factor effect on future relations between child and mother?

Psychologist: First of all it affects mother who is expecting but not carries a child. Because during pregnancy period a great relationship and connection between child and mother appears. Woman who carries a child goes through certain stages of maternal role; she produced some competence, understanding of child, and the so-called "parent intuition". Mom, who does not carry a baby, is deprived of this experience. So, it will be more difficult to adapt and get adjusted to the new role of mother for woman who didn’t carry her child. She has less body experience; she would have to rely only on the recognition of the fact that now she is a mother.

How does process of delivery from one mother to another affect a baby?

It is not so significant for a child. His psychological comfort in this case is much more dependent on how quickly the "new" mother will take maternal position. This process will be almost painless if a "new" mother will be well prepared - for example, she must take relevant courses and work with a psychologist. There is a certain problem in this phase. Parents who decided to use surrogacy are so focused on how to achieve this goal, they spent time, efforts and money and at some point they begin to feel that they have already paid in full for all and now they surely will be good parents. But it is not so. It is needed to learn to be good parents and to do all things correctly.

What exactly do you advice in order to be good parents?

All parents, regardless of the fact how their child drew the first breath must attend training courses and consultation of psychologist. During special courses you will be able to receive important and needed information concerning newborn, all development peculiarities and how to make contact with him. One day you will have on hand helpless baby actually left without a mother (those who carried him), without breastfeeding. Parents whose child will be borne by surrogate mother force on different issues especially those ones concerning mainly the legislative issue during the pregnancy period. Usually they do not have time to think about the psychological aspects of communication with the future baby. During pregnancy women usually go through the restructure stage, it becomes clear that future mother must change the way of life and behavior. But when it is a surrogacy, parents force just at their aim to have a baby: "I want to have a baby; I do not have children, our family must be aged with children". So families who use surrogate mother services should prepare for the birth of the child, as well as the woman who gives birth.

Can it be said that families with a child who was borne by surrogate mother fall harder than ordinary families?

Yes, there are a certain difficulties in this situation. Often parents of children who were borne by surrogate mothers try to present themselves as a "real parents". Therefore many of them simulate pregnancy to hide the truth from colleagues, friends, and most importantly - from the child. Sometimes the question arises whether to tell your child about how he was born. This is a personal matter for each family to tell or not all the details of child’s birth, but in any case, he has a right to know the truth. Some difficulties may arise due to the fact that mother was not pregnant with the baby during 9 months and didn’t gave birth to him. Therefore she cannot feel the emotions and feelings that often have mothers. But these difficulties are solved with the help of specialists, psychologists, special classes, and, of course, own positive attitude.

People have different attitude to surrogacy, but it seems that today more and more families use this method.

When pregnancy cannot be reached naturally doctors suggest alternative ways of giving birth from egg donor insemination and IVF (in vitro fertilization) to surrogacy. Seven years ago, IVF seemed like something out of science fiction but now it is simple procedure that is rather popular all over the world. For example, in 2011 with the help of IVF 6 million children were borne. There is a certain split in the society: some people say that children must be born only in a natural way, others are sure that it is stupid not to use achievements of modern science if you need it. We cannot stop the progress. I think soon surrogacy will become a commonplace procedure; it's just a matter of time.

 (Based on Psychology magazine sources)