Soulful video :)

(YouTube video)

A lot of people consider pets to be real family members. And t’s true! J    

Surrogate babies: Where can you have them, and is it legal?

Some news from BBC concerning surrogacy

http://www.bbc.com/news/world-28679020

FAQs Surrogacy Law in Ukraine

What is the law concerning egg donation in Ukraine?

Egg donation in Ukraine is regulated by the Article 48 of the Basic Law of Ukraine on Health Care and Article 123 of the Family Code of Ukraine. Most of the legal aspects concerning egg donation in Ukraine are also disclosed in the Instruction on the use of assisted reproductive technologies, approved by the Ministry of Health 23.12.2008 № 771.

Characteristics of the person who can become an egg donor are determined in these legal documents. It can be familiar people, relatives or friends of the infertile couple and anonymous voluntary donors. Basic requirements for donors are:

- age 20-32;

- have own healthy child;

- satisfactory somatic health;

- satisfactory psychological condition;

- absence of hereditary diseases;

- absence of harmful social habits;

- absence of contraindications to donation.

There is also a list of required documents for oocyte donation program fulfillment. This list includes:

- agreement with eggs donor about conscious, voluntary written consent to participate in the donation of oocytes program, stimulation of ovulation and ovarian puncture;

- document that provides written consent of donor’s husband to participate in such medical program.

Donors of eggs and sperm cannot undertake parental duties concerning child born with the help of their biological material. Egg donation process is anonymous and law guarantees complete confidentiality. Infertile couple can only receive general information about the donor. These are nationality, height, weight, eye and hair color, education, family and children, blood type and Rh factor. Donor undergoes a full medical examination and an interview with a psychologist at the clinic where the procedure will be performed.

How to resolve issues with surrogate mother if she violates an agreement or refuses to give genetic parents the child?

Surrogacy is rather delicate procedure and it requires detailed and balanced approach. First of all, deciding to use services of surrogate mother it is necessary examine in details all legal aspects of this issue, get to know all the rights and obligations of the parties (parents, surrogate mother, clinic). Before starting the program, legal experts should prepare necessary agreements and contracts which clearly spell out all conditions and rights of surrogate mother and genetic parents. It should be noted that according to the Ukrainian legislation, genetic (biological) parents are considered to be parents of child who was born by surrogate mother. Even if child has a genetic link only with woman or man (for example, parents who used sperm of husband and donor egg) couple automatically gets parental rights. Names of biological parents are written in child's birth certificate during registration. Surrogate mother has no parental rights and cannot keep the baby. If surrogate mother decides not to give the child such actions will be deemed as illegal and can be prosecuted criminal, administrative or civil liability.

Ukraine is one of the few countries where the use of most reproductive technologies, including surrogacy, fully legitimate. In this regard, Ukrainian lawmakers appeared to be more advanced than their European counterparts.

The Family Code of Ukraine (Article 123, paragraph 2) contains a provision that if another woman carries an embryo conceived by a married couple, just married couple is considered to be the parents of a child, including in surrogacy programs. Paragraph 3 of the same article provides for the use of donor oocytes by the spouses, and the embryo in such case is deemed to be the embryo of the spouses. Thus, the couple who gave consent for use of assisted reproductive technologies has the full parental rights and responsibilities in relation to children born as a result of the application of these technologies. The Order of the Ministry of Health of Ukraine № 771 dated 23.12.2008 contains more information about the regulation of the use of reproductive technologies.

What types of reproductive programs are legal in Ukraine?

Ukrainian legislation is the most liberal in Europe in the field of assisted reproductive technologies. But it does not mean absolute permissiveness. Assisted method is valid only if it is medically prescribed. According to the Regulations on the use of assisted reproductive technologies № 771 December 23, 2008 it is allowed the following types of assisted reproductive technologies in Ukraine: "in vitro" fertilization, sperm insemination, donor sperm insemination, intrauterine insemination, embryo transfer fertilization "in vitro "combined with surrogacy. In all cases, presence of a notarized consent for the procedure fulfillment is needed.

Surrogacy Law in Ukraine

Since January 1, 2004, when the new Family Code was adopted, Ukraine has become an attractive destination for international surrogacy, offering affordable medical treatment along with highly qualified fertility specialists, as well as optimal choice of European type surrogate mothers and egg donors.

The key article of the Family Code of Ukraine on surrogacy numbered 123 (paragraph 2) stipulates that if the embryo conceived by the spouses using Assisted Reproductive Technology is transferred into the body of another woman, the spouses shall be the parents of the child. Such regulation allows the Intended Parents to be considered the child’s parents from the very moment of its conception, standing out among legislation of other countries where additional recognition of parentage, i.e. court parenting order or post-adoption procedure are needed.
Medical side of surrogacy is governed by the “Instruction on Procedures for Assisted Reproductive Technologies”, adopted by the Order of the Ministry of Health of Ukraine No. 771 of 12/23/2008 (hereinafter referred to as the Order No. 771).

Who can use Assisted Reproductive Technologies according to the law?

According to the Order No. 771 implantation of an embryo is conducted upon medical indications, provided informed written consent of both Intended Parents and the Surrogate and their statements on application of ART. These medical conditions are namely as follows:

§  Absence of a womb (inborn or acquired)

§  Deformation of the cavity or cervix uteri, making pregnancy and delivery impossible

§  Synechi of womb cavity

§  Severe somatic diseases, making duration of pregnancy impossible

§  Multiple (more than 4) implantation failures associated with the transfer of high quality embryos.

What is marital status of the genetic parents?

Though Ukrainian legislation stipulates that each woman and/or man of majority age can undergo treatment by means of Assisted Reproductive Technologies on medical indication, and does not contain any straightforward prohibition for the use of surrogacy for co-habiting or semi-sex Intended Parents as well as single persons, in practice surrogacy is performed for officially married couples only. This is mainly caused by close interpretation of aforementioned Article 123 of the Family Code of Ukraine, handling exclusively outcomes of embryo implantation conceived by the spouses with no mention of other possible participants of surrogacy program.
As of today, there are no age limits established for the Intended Parents to undergo surrogacy program in Ukraine.

Requirements for the Surrogate Mother

Pursuant to the Order No. 771 a Surrogate has to be a legally capable woman of majority age (over 18 years old), who has at least one healthy child of her own, provided her voluntary written consent and absence of contraindications for gestation of pregnancy.

In order to ensure smooth course of surrogacy program the Surrogate is carefully screened not only with regard to her excellent health condition, but also with regard to her ability to cope which emotional side of surrogacy, which is performed with a help of qualified psychologist.

Birth registration in Surrogacy Cases

Ukrainian legislation is very favorable with regard to birth registration of the child born via surrogacy, since the names of Genetic Parents are recorded in the birth entry of the Vital Statistics Office from the very beginning, and only the column “Remarks” of the birth register records information with regard to the name of Surrogate Mother. However, this record is kept strictly with the Vital Statistics Office and is confidential.
Pursuant to the Law of Ukraine 07/01/2010 No. 2398/VI “On Vital Statistics Registration” and the “Rules for Vital Statistic Registration in Ukraine” No. 52/5 of 10/18/2000, birth registration upon applications of the foreign and stateless citizens is accomplished in the same way pursuant to the Ukrainian legislation.
The main benefit of such regulation is certainly the fact that parental rights of both Ukrainian nationals and international Genetic Parents are entered in the birth record outright, with no need to take any further steps for establishment or confirmation of the child’s affiliation.

In cases where surrogacy is performed with the use of egg or sperm donation the basic adjustment remains the same: both Intended parents are deemed to be legal parents of the child born through surrogacy in Ukraine, while the donor should have no rights and obligations with regard to the baby, as the child shall have no rights and obligations toward the egg/sperm donor.

76 years old mother and her daughter of 9

Adriana Iliescu who lives in Romania, became pregnant with the help of artificial insemination and gave birth to her first child shortly before her 67^th birthday. She was listed in the Guinness Book as the oldest mother in the world at that time. Today woman is 76 years old and her daughter is 9. Many people blamed Adriana and considered her to be a selfish woman, as her daughter can become an orphan between grass and hay. Adriana Iliescu had a hard time to christen girl in the local church. Aged mother hopes that she will live to see 20^th anniversary of her daughter. Moreover Adriana confesses that she plans to have one more child.

In spite of everything, mother and her daughter are happy! Record holder says she feels like as she is 40 years old. Woman wrote 25 books and became a professor. She feels herself fully realized and happy person. Eliza has no father that’s why if her mother dies she will be an orphan. But Dr. Bogdan Marinescu promised to become a guardian of this girl in such case. Adriana Iliescu in turn has cared of her daughter’s future and save necessary account money for the beloved Elisa.

People have the right to condemn such act or not. But it is safe to say that this woman exercised its right to happiness.

Is it needed to thank surrogate mother in addition to the fixed sum?

Surrogate mothers are women who perform exploits worthy of respect and admiration. Making a commitment to carry a child for strangers surrogate mothers do infertile families a solid and at the same time risk own health. Couples who for years cannot get pregnant in a natural way discover that their surrogate mother is pregnant. At such a moment they are slaphappy and try to realize that they will finally become parents. In this situation, surrogate mother, of course, takes the "Holy Face" and parents are willing to shower caresses upon her, present gifts and provide necessary assistance. There's little harm in doing so, but, unfortunately, there are some women who can exploit this kindness. Such unscrupulous surrogate mothers may demand additional money, coming up with plaintive stories, expensive gifts, and sometimes even contribute to their outfitting in the country where biological parents live (often abroad). And parents, in turn, being apprehensive about unpredictable actions by surrogate mother in relation to their child are led by the nose by her and regularly empty own wallet paying the whims of a surrogate mother.

Does it right-on and correct to refuse to satisfy requirements of woman who bears your child?

If you implement surrogacy program in a specialized clinic all program participants (clinic, biological parents and surrogate mother) will sign the relevant agreements and contracts. These documents stipulate all the rights and obligations of the parties, sums and ways to resolve possible offenses of the planned medical processes. Under the contract, surrogate mother receives a certain sum of money in the form of financial compensation. Each month woman who bears a child for infertile couple receives a fixed amount of money for own expenses. In fact, childless couple pays money for the program and surrogate mother, in turn, receives a fixed sum for her help. As of additional personal rewards and presents for surrogate mother, it is individual and not necessarily. If parents have the opportunity and wish to thank the woman who gave birth to their baby they present her gifts or give the extra money. But, if you do not consider it necessary it’s normal and your refusal will not be regarded as rudeness and greed. Do not be led by the nose by surrogate mother as you can have such problems in future which even clinic workers will not be able to solve. Always act together with your doctor / program manager. And remember - you pay money for the medical program. In the case of BioTexCom center, this sum includes all services, starting with a meeting at the airport and ending with food and accommodation during the program, in Kiev. BioTexCom! We care about your calm and successful fulfillment of all program phases!

Psychological Facts

There are three groups of issues in assisted reproduction that play an equally important part in your journey to have a baby; medical, legal and psychological. All are equally important and success requires equal attention to all three areas. The best outcomes do not occur by accident. Psychological services are an important part of the surrogacy process and having a qualified therapist skilled at working with issues related to infertility, surrogacy and third party reproduction is an important component of a successful surrogacy outcome. The therapist plays a vital role in assisting the surrogate and intended parents before, during and after the pregnancy.

The support a therapist provides is designed to ensure that the surrogacy experience goes smoothly and that there is a positive emotional outcome for both you and your surrogate.  The goal of the therapist is to foster good communication and a positive relationship between you and your surrogate and to make sure that each of you are emotionally and psychologically prepared for your journey together.

Often you and your surrogate do not live near one another and you may feel concern about her mental health during the pregnancy. Having a therapist involved will help you feel secure by knowing that your surrogate is getting the emotional support she needs to help ensure a calm, relaxed and positive pregnancy experience for the surrogate and your baby.

For many people surrogacy may be their last hope to have a child and while the surrogacy process is exciting it will often bring up emotional issues for the intended parent. Some emotional issues that may surface are grief over not being able to carry the baby, loss of control over the pregnancy, anxiety awaiting the birth of the child, concern over how to communicate with the surrogate about sensitive issues such as how you would like the delivery to go or what type of contact you desire after the baby is born, worry and fear over what to tell the child about the special circumstances in which they were born, etc.

During the surrogacy process there are also unexpected issues that can arise between you and your surrogate. The therapist will be there to help each of you cope with any emotional challenges that may occur and help maximize positive feelings between you and your surrogate. The therapist will stay involved throughout the pregnancy to help keep the relationship on track and help ensure that this is a positive experience for everyone involved.

Sibling connection - wonders in the real world!

For several weeks health condition of these twins set the whole world heart aflutter. Kairi and Briell Jackson were born 12 weeks ahead of time. Each of them weighted about kilogram and girls’ chances to survive were rather slim.

In the hospital sisters shared were put in separate chambers for premature infants care. Briell’s condition gradually improved, she began to gain weight. As for Kairi, doctors doubted whether she would live at all.

A few weeks later something completely unexpected was happened: at night Briell start screaming so strong that her little body turned blue. Nurse on duty tried her best in order to calm baby but nothing helped. No one could understand why the baby was crying so bitterly.

Nurse decided to put girls together. It was forbidden, but sister ventured. And then there was something incredible: Briell immediately calmed down and instinctively embraced her weak sister.

After this miracle was happened Kairi’s condition stabilized. Day after day she began to gain weight and soon caught up with her ​​sister.

Now Kairi and Brielle are 20 years old, they are about to graduate from the University. Like all twins, they spend much time together.

Sometimes human warmth is the most effective medication. Especially it’d true when there is so close kinship among people. 

My first baby at 51

It wasn't so much the eleventh hour as five to midnight. We had two embryos left in the freezer of a fertility clinic and, by March, I'd be too old to receive them. With two miscarriages and four previous attempts at IVF embryo transfers, it felt like a futile mission, but in February, my partner, Pete, and I decided to give the dice one last roll.

We met in August 2002 on board a flight to Nice. He was on his way to a skydiving course while I was meeting a friend for a walk in the mountains. When I got back to London two weeks later, I emailed to see if he'd landed safely and before long we were spending every weekend together.

On paper we made an unlikely match. I was then 42 and Pete eight years younger. He'd been a soldier, a fireman and a boxer; he does triathlons for fun. I'm more inclined towards yoga and cafe culture, and I'll never convince him of the interconnectedness of everything. Pete wondered if he'd stumbled into a parallel universe when he saw a copy of On Being A Jewish Feminist on my bookshelf.

In terms of physiology and favourable maternal and foetal outcomes, the best age for childbearing is 20-35, but in my 20s I ran from any man who might clip my wings. I wasn't then ready to settle down, though I'd probably have sneered at any woman in middle age who was still trying to have children. I assumed that I could travel the world, have a fulfilling career and still find time to create a family, too. Romance, to my mind, was a path to adventure rather than the prelude to marriage and children, yet at the same time I wanted to raise children in a stable relationship.

I spent much of my 30s recovering from a near-fatal car crash. That's when my two sisters and brother and many of my friends were making babies, but I didn't know if I'd ever fully recover from a head injury and post-traumatic stress disorder, compounded in 1996 by the death of my father, to whom I was very close. I tried to make peace with childlessness, yet always hoped that it would somehow pan out.

I was in my mid-40s before I felt ready for motherhood. Pete was at a different stage. I didn't dare risk unilateral action because I was sure it would end in disaster. But as our attachment grew, and as his own friends and then his younger brother began to procreate, Pete caught the baby bug, too. By then, however, my biological clock was on overtime and with each failed attempt, we became more conscious that we were losing direction and purpose, like two ships blown off course.

It's not as if trying to make a baby was my only focus – far from it – but I was unsettled. I hadn't repainted my fourth floor studio flat for eight years because it had been at the back of my mind that it wouldn't be suitable as a home if we had a baby. I found it difficult to complete any work and have, from those years, two unpublished books and several half-baked films rotting in my file of "Dead Projects". After the second miscarriage, I was so distraught that I spent a year seeing a bereavement counsellor.

As we navigated a confusing range of fertility treatments, Pete and I came up against various barriers, such as the consultant in St Mary's hospital recurrent miscarriage clinic who refused to test Pete because of my age. "Let's draw a line under this," she said to me. I left St Mary's furious and frustrated at having been judged simply for my age, not my follicle-stimulating hormone levels.

People asked if we would consider adoption. I'd have been happy by that point to take care of a Cabbage Patch Kid, but this was a joint venture and Pete didn't feel the same way. I tried acupuncture and had my monthly cycles monitored before we turned to IVF. Unimpressed by the private clinics we visited in London, we looked at options overseas. We spent a small fortune on three stabs at fertility treatment at a clinic in Cape Town, but that produced nothing other than a suntan and buttocks like pincushions after daily injections of hormones.

Back in London in time for my 50th birthday on New Year's Eve, Pete and I accidentally got caught up with revellers in Trafalgar Square and were kettled by police on horseback: a suitable metaphor for my state of mind.

Each time you get pregnant or have a cycle of fertility treatment, you imagine a bright future. Then your hopes are dashed and, once again, you have to reboot. Emotional snakes and ladders. I wanted to give in graciously. Pete wasn't willing to accept defeat so lightly. He found a clinic in Barcelona with a cut-off age of 51. Dreading further disappointment, I vacillated for months. Then, last November, with just one more menstrual cycle left before my next birthday, I could procrastinate no longer. We paid the clinic's advance.

Yet again it didn't work. The clinic extended their deadline by three months for us to use the remaining embryos. I'm not sure why we bothered. It seemed like such a remote possibility, throwing good money after bad. My expectations couldn't have been lower.

Pete was away on the date I was due to take a pregnancy test. I woke in the middle of the night to pee and thought I should use the opportunity to find out. Nothing. I tried to blank out the disappointment and went back to sleep but when I woke again a few hours later and re-examined the white stick, there was a faint pink line where before I'd seen none. I took this to a chemist and asked the pharmacist: "Could I be a little bit pregnant?"

She took one look and laughed. "One hundred per cent pregnant!"

I danced with joy.

A scan showed that both embryos had implanted and we were expecting twins. Bingo! Then, at eight weeks, another scan showed that one of the twins had died. It felt as if history was repeating itself.

The prospect of twins had been very exciting but maybe it was for the best. Having twins greatly increases your risk of pre-eclampsia – a condition thought to be caused by a problem with the placenta, resulting in high blood pressure and protein in your urine, and which can lead to convulsions, even a stroke. Other potential complications of twin pregnancies include gestational diabetes, postpartum haemorrhage, stillbirth and caesarean section.

Even among single pregnancies, if you're older than 40 the danger of pre-eclampsia increases from 3-4% to 5-10%, and rises to 35% if you're past 50. There's also a 20% chance of diabetes among mothers over 50. One study of 539 deliveries found that the risks for low birth weight and preterm babies tripled – and foetal mortality doubled – among mothers over 50 compared with mothers aged 20-29.

We think of women having babies later in life as a recent phenomenon, but in England and Wales, back in 1939, out of 614,479 births, 2,147 babies were born to women aged over 45. The number of older mothers decreased until 1977, when just 454 babies out of 569,259 were born to women over 45. Since then, figures have been rising steadily.

Professor Susan Bewley, consultant obstetrician at King's College London, notes that pregnancies in older mothers are more likely to be as a result of assisted reproductive technology (ART) and that women who conceive via ART have a higher chance of having pregnancy-induced hypertension, gestational diabetes, preterm birth and caesarean section.

While her personal opinion is that the birth of a healthy baby is a joy at any age, she adds, "My professional opinion is that I'm very worried about the increasing health risks to mothers and babies, and I've been around long enough to have seen all the complications associated with advanced age, including maternal and baby death and disability."

Others are more positive. Bill Smith, consultant ultrasound specialist atClinical Diagnostic Services in London, has been involved with infertility and obstetric screening for more than 30 years. He feels strongly that older patients are pushed too readily towards IVF. "They're not given a chance to conceive with ultrasound monitoring of natural cycles. If nature allows women of 42, 43, to get pregnant, then why not allow them to be treated with their own eggs, the same as a 32-year-old? And the same applies to women in their late 40s and even early 50s."

Yes, there's a greater chance of chromosome abnormalities in the foetus for older mothers-to-be, but ultrasound scans during the first trimester screening allow Down's syndrome and other anomalies to be picked up. "When I look at the dozen or so pregnancies that come through our unit each year with patients in their early 50s," Smith says, "to my knowledge very few present problems."

In 2010, out of 723,165 births, 1,758 babies were had by women over 45. Of those, 141 babies were born to 118 women aged 50 and over. And – despite obstetric issues relating to ART, multiple gestations and middle-aged mums – there has not been a single stillbirth in this age range since 2004.

I never gave much thought to the health risks. Maybe I'd have been more circumspect if I had looked at the small print. Fortunately, the worst of my pregnancy-related complaints have been acid reflux and swollen feet, and – claims Pete – I've started to snore.

Agnes Mayall is 50 and, thanks to what she calls "technical assistance", is due to have her first baby in mid-November. Stylish and slim – apart from her bump – she's a lecturer in art history. "I was aware of the health risks and though I thought that what I was doing was mad, what finally allowed me to go ahead was realising that there are moments in life when you do things that are mad."

Mayall was ambivalent about parenthood. "People assume that I wanted a baby above all. In my case that's just not true, but I am very excited to be having one. I used to be terrified that I would be a crap mother and I'm now more relaxed about it. It's not that I think I'll be a brilliant mother, I'm just not afraid of it any more."

Her husband, Ben, an engineer, is seven years younger: "He was 23 when we met." Soon after, Mayall became pregnant. "He was freaked out by it, so I had an abortion. I assumed he didn't want children. He thought that I didn't want children and so we never discussed it. And I began to see that there were other ways to lead a fulfilling life that didn't necessarily involve a family."

The subject of children came up again only when Mayall was in her mid-40s. "That was when we first started to talk about what kind of a life we wanted. That's when we finally got around to asking whether we might want a child. I realised then that Ben was very keen, that this was an experience that he wanted to have, but I'd had no idea before that."

Mayall went to see her GP, assuming that she would be discouraged. "Instead she said: 'Why don't you give it a go?' Two months later I was pregnant. Even though it was something we had consciously decided to try for, I was terrified. I fixed on a fear of losing things that I called freedoms and that, in the process, I would lose my identity."

She had a miscarriage at 12 weeks and another not long afterwards. Devastated by the loss of these pregnancies, Mayall realised that she had spent many years blocking out regrets over the earlier abortion. She was slow to go public about her pregnancy, "partly because I didn't expect it to work, and partly because I felt a bit embarrassed about being pregnant at my great age; but as I did tell people they were all really encouraging, so it became gradually easier, because every reaction was positive. And many of my friends have said how much they would now love to be having a child."

At first I, too, was coy about telling anyone that I was pregnant. Eventually, concern that people might think I'd lost control over my waistline outweighed worries about frowns and raised eyebrows. A few curiosity-seekers have shown an unhealthy interest because of my age, but neither Pete nor I has ever been much bothered by convention and, besides, we're hardly a freak show.

For the people who matter to us, it's been a cause for celebration and extraordinary kindness. My mother is an energetic octogenarian; she's anxious that she won't be capable of much hands-on assistance, so has offered to pay for a doula instead. One neighbour insists on meeting me at Waitrose to carry my groceries. Others bring my laundry up three flights of stairs. And I've taken pleasure in consulting women half my age about whether I should opt for an Ergo carrier or a Baby Bjorn, whether my feet will ever shrink back to their pre-pregnancy size and whether we really need a nappy bin?

I stopped cycling soon after a grumpy van driver crushed me against a parked car when I was seven weeks pregnant. It was a week later that we discovered one of the twins had died. I was full of self-recrimination – was I in any way responsible? – and started travelling by public transport instead. While bus passengers aren't particularly gallant, on the underground there hasn't been a single rush-hour journey when someone hasn't stood up to offer me a seat.

Strangers strike up conversations. "Is it your first?" "When's it due?" "Do you know if it's a boy or a girl?" "Do you have any food cravings?" (Papaya with cottage cheese, chicken yakitori and cherry juice; I've also developed an uncharacteristic appetite for romcoms starring Jennifer Lopez.)

There are many young people in our lives, including seven nephews, two nieces and numerous godchildren. I'd decided not to tell any of the kids that I was pregnant during the first trimester in case it didn't work out, but I was having brunch one Sunday with Clio – my 21-year-old niece – when she went bright red and, shaping an imaginary bump around her own pancake-flat stomach, blurted out: "Naomi, I know… about the baby!" I felt a little churlish for not having told her sooner and registered in that moment that Clio has matured into an honorary sister. Family roles can be dynamic.

All the other women in my family are magnificent matriarchs with beautiful, well-organised homes, while the role I've played until now has been peripatetic and undomesticated. My sisters are both full-time mothers, while I move from project to project, driven by ideas and a deep-rooted streak of activism. I don't yet know how my new status will evolve, but the rest of my family seem almost as thrilled as Pete and I are.

Plenty of my friends don't have children. I can think of only a few for whom this has been by conscious design. I wondered – fleetingly – if there would be any resentment from those for whom it hasn't. However, for everyone who knows how tough a journey this has been for us, our news has been received as a collective triumph.

I'm as anxious as any first-time mother and as I slide from a childless world in which discourse revolves mostly around work and politics into the camaraderie of parenthood, it's reassuring to discover such a rich seam of wisdom, though my eyes do glaze over when experienced mothers offer unsolicited advice about sleep routines and whether to feed on demand. On the other hand, in the changing room at my gym, several women in their late 30s and early 40s, on learning my age, have wanted to discuss their own fertility issues, or relationships that are going nowhere, or how they'd like a baby but have no relationship at all.

It's a terrible modern conundrum, and I'm a little reluctant to be seen as a beacon of possibility because Pete and I have had so much heartache and we're incredibly fortunate to have made it this far. (I'm not alone in this. Another first-time mother in her early 50s declined to be included in this piece because, she said, "what we have is miraculous but we are in the minority to have healthy, normal babies... Nature is against us and I'm not sure I want to be part of encouraging women to leave it so late.")

Alastair Sutcliffe, consultant paediatrician at UCLH and Great Ormond Street hospital, puts it into context: "When I was graduating from medical school in 1987, we were told that an elderly primip – a first-time mother – was anyone over the age of 30. But now the peak age range for all births in this country is 30 to 34. Women have been caught in a feminist-driven trap. This country has tripled its economic output since the second world war by getting women working and into employment."

Social norms have changed, says Irenee Daly at the Centre for Family Research in Cambridge. "We don't expect women of typical university age to want to have children. We socialise them away from that. The 20s are now regarded as a time for exploration, before life's enduring responsibilities take hold." Young men and women still expect to have settled down in a stable relationship and own their own home before starting a family. "And since these things are all happening later, that pushes having children later."

For her doctoral thesis, Daly looked at whether women in their late 20s and early 30s understood the degree to which fertility declined with age and whether they thought that IVF could compensate for the effects of ageing. "There was a perception that it would work out in time. Most of the women I spoke to were shocked to learn that IVF is linked to age, that even in the youngest age group, we're talking about only a 30% success rate. Then they were doubly shocked to see that by 44 it goes down to 5% using one's own eggs."

Freezing eggs doesn't guarantee a viable pregnancy and, as Daly points out, "You have to freeze young eggs, so a woman of 40 saying that she's decided to freeze her eggs – well, what sort of quality are those eggs?"

Young women are not the only ones with a hazy grasp of medical possibilities. It's often assumed that infertility is on the woman's side; and until you're in the market for ART, few people seem to know that it goes beyond IVF to include a wide menu of options such as intrauterine insemination (IUI), intra-cytoplasmic sperm injection (ICSI), gamete intra-fallopian transfer (Gift), pre-implantation genetic diagnosis (PGD), sperm donation, egg donation and more.

Many of the women in Daly's study felt that since people are now living longer, parenting could be spread more evenly over the course of one's life, but while she acknowledges that that is "technically true", she emphasises that our reproductive window has not increased in line with life expectancy: "So whether or not you think you will be kicking around a football at 70 doesn't matter."

In Italy – which has one of the lowest fertility rates in the western world – Professor Brian Dale, director of the Centro Fecondazione Assistita, is used to working with older women. "Women in Italy decide to have a family very late in life, on average well over 30, and it starts to become a little difficult over 35."

Even though the number and quality of eggs decreases with age, Dale favours using women's own eggs whenever possible. "If you get good embryos, we're looking at 18-20% pregnancy rate per embryo transfer." That success rate doesn't vary much if the cycle is spontaneous or stimulated and the more embryos transferred, the higher the likelihood of a pregnancy. "The oldest lady I remember getting pregnant with her own eggs was 46. But most people who come to us aged over 45 are already psychologically primed to go on the egg donor programme."

Sutcliffe describes the rising age of first-time mothers as an epidemic. According to him – whose mother was 45 when she gave birth to his youngest sister – older first-time mothers tend to be university graduates and have higher socio-economic status than average. They are likely to live farther away from their extended families than younger women and rely more on friends for support. According to his research, we older mothers are more resilient and less dependent on others, we tend to have committed relationships with a partner and are financially secure.

"Women who delay childbirth," Sutcliffe says, "have satisfied their personal goals and don't feel they are missing anything." But while older women generally make good mothers, "the one area where they are perhaps less able is to do with physical activity with their children, and there is a slight tendency for those children to be overweight."

To Sutcliffe's mind, of much greater concern than middle-aged women pursuing dreams of motherhood is maternal obesity. "This country is the second most obese in the world," he says. "It's so bad that the maternal mortality rate may even start to kick up. In relation to older mothers, it's a much bigger problem."

He also acknowledges that there is a difference between chronological and biological age (your age in years as opposed to your age at a cellular level). "People don't look younger," he says, "unless they're biologically younger." I've never looked my age. Once a cause for angst, this has now turned into a major advantage. Even so, people ask if I'll have enough energy to run around after a toddler. Often, hanging in the air, is an unspoken concern about whether I'll live long enough to see my child into adulthood. I worry not so much about longevity – so far the genetic lottery has been good to me and my grandmother, at 104, is still going strong – but about how much authority I'll have over a rebellious teenager when I'm nearing 70. I'll face that challenge when it comes.

Our baby is due next week. My nesting hormones are running wild. I've started rounding up muslins and moses baskets, and my hospital bag is already packed.

(http://www.theguardian.com/)

Story told by 27 years old lady who became an egg donor for infertile couple

Why did you decide to become an egg donor?
Honestly, I didn’t (and still don’t) see a reason why anyone would not want to become a donor. You are doing something great for someone else (that requires very little effort) and being very fairly compensated for it.

What is the process like to become a donor? 
The actual process of becoming a donor the first time is the biggest hurdle. You have to submit pictures, fill out forms detailing your family health, education and work history, complete questionnaires that ask questions like “Do you sleep with stuffed animals?” and “Do you believe in miracles?” If you have a relatively healthy family you will then be put in the database. The database works kind of like MySpace. Potential recipients will search through all of these donor profiles (your name is omitted, as it is anonymous) and select one. There are some brief phone calls with lawyers, genetic counselors, and a psych evaluation. You never have direct contact with the recipient, and the agency acts a sort of middle-man helping to arrange appointments and travel. Then the real fun begins!

Once you begin your “cycle”, you will have to endure an almost daily vaginal probe ultrasound and your blood being drawn for about a week and a half. It takes less than an hour, and doesn’t much bother me personally. At some point you will have to give yourself injectable medication. Every doctor has a different method but they all include sticking yourself with needles every night. I thought I had a problem with shots and needles before I started this (in fact, I always cry after shots from the stress), but it’s been a breeze.

When the doctors give you the O.K. there is a final shot that you take to prepare your eggs for the retrieval. They take a long needle and go in through the vaginal wall. The procedure takes less than 20 minutes and I was discharged almost immediately. I personally had some ill effects from the anesthesia (severe nausea and trapped gas in my chest), but the procedure itself was painless.

What are the drawbacks of being a donor?
There’s no drinking or smoking or heavy lifting or sex for the 10 (or so) days that you are on stimulation medication. It’s particularly annoying because when your body is THIS fertile, it wants to procreate. You will catch yourself flirting mercilessly with just about anyone near the end of your cycle.

What about benefits?
After a few weeks you can check online to see if your donation resulted in a pregnancy. It’s a wonderful feeling. The day you leave the hospital you also leave with some money. Both of my cycles have been in different states and so I have also enjoyed the free travel and accommodations.

How do the people in your life feel about you being an egg donor?
I think my parents see it as a good opportunity, and my friends (especially men) say they are jealous. Everybody sees the dollar signs, but it really is rewarding on another level.

Have you ever had any second thoughts?
Yes, once. I panicked the first time that I realized these kids would be contacting me someday, probably when they were 18. The panic didn’t last long as I quickly did the math and realized that I’d be well into my 40’s by then and hopefully mature enough to handle the situation. It’s a hard situation to imagine. A child with a loving family that was made possible through the genetic donation of another person - sounds like a pretty great beginning to me.

What advice would you give to someone considering becoming a donor?
Think for yourself, make sure you have support, but don’t pass on this experience because other people think it’s “weird.” Take it seriously and be responsible, someone somewhere is spending upwards of $20,000 on a 50% chance that if this goes perfectly it will end in a baby for them. Don’t quit your day job.

IVF Cost in Kiev, Ukraine

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Video story by one couple

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c0-pV66hNFA

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Surrogacy drama in Italy

In December 2013 doctors of one of the Italian hospitals made ​​a serious mistake. Doctors of clinic for reproductive medicine made a muddle of embryos that might be transferred to two women. Perhaps it is the first such case in the history of reproductive medicine. Due to the sameness of patients’ surnames they were implanted not their embryos. Mistake was found in April when doctors conducted genetic analysis of embryos. After that clinic workers conducted an internal investigation and established the fact of glaring mistake.

In such circumstances, there was only one way out - women had to become surrogate mothers for each other. After children’ birth they will make a simple exchange because babies are 100% gen-related to their biological parents. But unexpected situation was happened – one of the women had a miscarriage and twins she carried died...

The second couple, who is expecting birth of "not their" twins, don’t want to give them despite the fact that they are not gen-related. Italian law did not know such conflicts - Italian legislation recognizes child's mother a woman who carried him and gave birth. It is expected that children will born in September. To be continued…