Thursday, July 16, 2015

UK citizens are the most likely in Europe to go abroad to find a surrogate mother


Britons are the most likely European citizens to use a foreign surrogate to have a baby, fuelling a global trade where individuals pay up to £85,000 per child, research shows.

Increasing numbers of infertile straight couples and gay men and women are resorting to paying a surrogate in countries across the world to help them have a baby – a practice that is banned in the UK.

Figures show that 271 British couples or individuals have had a baby using a paid surrogate over the last year. The findings will be presented at a conference next week organised by the Families Through Surrogacy (FTS) group, which compiled the data.

UK citizens are also statistically the most likely Europeans to engage in commercial surrogacy, according to the figures.

In the UK altruistic surrogacy is legal, but paying for the service is not. People will often choose commercial surrogacy because it is quicker and a more secure route to getting a baby than using an “altruistic” surrogate.

Paul Gittins, spokesman for the FTS’s upcoming conference, told The Independent that commercial surrogacy is on the rise owing to its increasing accessibility and the general growth in medical tourism.

“Surrogacy has been growing year-on-on in Britain and internationally, but there are no specific numbers for surrogacy in the UK,” he said.

“From a UK perspective, altruistic surrogacy, which is the only option available here, can be long and drawn out and there are no legal protections in place.

“With commercial surrogacy there is an arrangement and you know where you are,” he added.

Despite the apparent straightforwardness of commercial surrogacy, the UK Foreign Office cautions against thinking it can be an easy route to parenthood.

A report into surrogacy overseas warns: “International surrogacy is a complex area. The process for getting your child back to the UK can be very long and complicated, and can take several months to complete.”

Louisa Ghevaert, a leading UK surrogacy lawyer and family law expert agrees. "The decision to embark on a surrogacy journey is one of the most important decisions anyone can make.

"It's vital for intended parents to tackle the legal issues from the outset to avoid the legal pitfalls and protect their much wanted family,” she added.

Professor Allan Pacey, a fertility expert at Sheffield University, believes the international surrogacy trade is part of a wider phenomenon of “medical globalisation”.

“With increasing opportunities for travel and the lower cost, combined with easily accessible information over the internet about what is available, some couples are looking outside their national borders for solutions to their infertility,” he told the Observer.

“Surrogacy is legal in the UK, but we suffer from a chronic shortage of women willing to do it. So I think it’s inevitable that women who need it will look elsewhere,” he added.
http://www.independent.co.uk/

Wednesday, July 15, 2015

Medical tourism in Ukraine could change services’ quality


About 50 thousand foreigners visit Ukrainian health care institutions annually. Ukrainian medicine market is very attractive for foreigners - price is much lower than at home, and highly qualified specialists in the field of medicine are known worldwide by their great skills. Now when Ukrainian currency has depreciated it has become much cheaper to treat in Ukraine for many European and American citizens than at homeland.

IVF and surrogacy are among the most popular medical services foreigners look for in Ukraine. High popularity of these programs is caused by the fact that in Ukraine, in vitro fertilization is much cheaper, and the existing regulatory framework is much more liberal than in European states. In particular, Ukrainian law allows egg donation and surrogacy conduction. Moreover, surrogate motherhood programs (with donor eggs as well) have no limitations in particular age that is out-of-support among international medical community.

According to the observations of doctors who work in center for human reproduction BioTexCom, ART programs have been becoming increasingly popular among patients from Western Europe, Israel, USA and UK. Also residents of the Emirates and Asia have become habitual patients at the BioTexCom clinic. During the recent years, clinic employs translators and managers with knowledge of Chinese and Arabic languages to communicate with potential patients on the appropriate level.

Every year, BioTexCom center welcomes more and more infertile couples from Europe, Asia and America. The increasing flow of patients gives a boost to the development and improvement of the clinic. Extension interpreters’ staff, equipping laboratories and training staff, development of new technologies and ART methods improvement - all these and many others are actively held within the walls of BioTexCom center today.

Company has already developed new medical packages for surrogacy, which will be presented in the nearest future. These are "all inclusive" packages priced at € 29.900, € 39.900 and a VIP package at the cost of € 49.900.

You can always get to know more interesting information about programs visiting the official website of the clinic or communicating with the center managers, who will professionally answer all questions you are interested at. BioTexCom! There is no absolute infertility!

Monday, July 13, 2015

Woman who lost 8 babies before hysterectomy asks public to help her make surrogacy dream come true


With every miracle pregnancy story she reads, and with every friend who announces they're expecting, Jo Hilton can't help but feel a deep sense of grief.

Jo will never be able to conceive and carry a baby to term after an emergency hysterectomy was carried out on her four years ago.

It is something she describes as "the hardest decision of my life."

The procedure came after years of devastating losses and health scares which have resulted in her not being able to work and her husband becoming a carer figure.

But they have one reason to remain optimistic.

The surrogate they are now hoping will carry their baby has become a close friend to them, and has offered up her own eggs, sparing the couple the cost of donor eggs.

This means the amount they now hope to reach through their GoFundMe page is £10,000 - rather than £15,000.

Jo is hoping to reach this goal by January, and help her reconcile fifteen years of devastating fertility issues and personal tragedies.

Tragic losses
The ex-council case worker was just nineteen when she had her first ectopic pregnancy, and still remembers the trauma of it.

"April 2, 1999. I was 20 minutes away from death and I was thirteen weeks pregnant. I will never forget that day."

In 2002, Jo found out she was pregnant again: "I prayed and prayed that the second pregnancy would not be an ectopic."

"I had never got to have a funeral for my first baby from that ectopic. If you have ever seen a 13 week foetus there is no denying it is a baby and not a sac."

"I had a priest come around at the hospital, but I never received her remains so her ashes were scattered in hospital grounds which is the usual thing to do apparently."

To her utter distress, her second pregnancy was ectopic.

Married to her first husband at the time, Jo recalls: "I was on the pill the whole time. None of the pregnancies were planned, but would have been wanted."

There followed five miscarriages in two years, and a breakdown in her marriage, leading her to file for divorce in 2005 at just age twenty-five.

The physical cost of the trauma
Although she was trying to get back on her feet, five months after her parting ways with her first husband she met James, an artist, online.

"He is the true love of my life and likewise. We were both surprised by the way we met but things fell into place without us really trying.

"So of course we wanted our own family. I had told James of my fertility troubles when we met and we knew we would face it all together."

Although she now had James by her side, Jo's fertility troubles worsened - and all the strain she'd been under impacted on her mental health.

After being diagnosed with Polycystic Ovary Syndrome, Jo needed further surgery to remove her ovaries. Shortly after she was diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.

Then in 2006 Jo was diagnosed with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome and Fibromyalgia, a painful condition which can prevent oral contraception from working in some women.

Jo now knew how she was getting pregnant whilst taking precautions but it was of no comfort to her.

Losing independence
Around the time her PTSD diagnosis prompted Jo to get seek counselling, James lost the aunt who had brought him up.

His aunt had, however, left him a sizeable inheritance, which allowed them to get married.

Although she is grateful for the safety net the money gave them, Jo is aware they are now in a position of asking for the necessary funds for surrogacy, and acknowledges they could have managed their finances better.

"Of course, looking back we made mistakes and were very naive about it all, and we admit we wasted some of the money. But back then surrogacy was never really in our mind set.

"We had hoped to still be able to conceive."

The couple did conceive in 2008, but it ended in a sixth and devastating miscarriage.

"In some ways this hurt more than the others because it was with my soul mate. We were distraught."

There was further sadness for Jo when she was discovered she had osteoarthritis and would need, at age 27, to use a walking stick. She was also no longer able to work.

It was a dent to her pride: "Having to stop working was the greatest adjustment of my life. I had worked from the age of 12.

"Health wise things just kept snowballing and it felt I wasn't in control of anything.

"We could not or would not claim benefits due to the amount we had inhertied."

Jo and James decided to look into IVF but were dealt a further blow as Jo's BMI was deemed too high.

"The hardest decision of my life."
By this time, her periods had become unbearably painful and heavy, and after scans and testing, she was told she needed a radical hysterectomy at age 31.

"I was booked in for Wednesday 6th October 2010. I dreaded it because everything was going to be so final.

"I remember a few days before the surgery I went into a department store to pick up a few bits and had to walk through the baby department.

"I just froze, started stroking a baby quilt and looked at all the clothes and cribs. I ended up in tears and James had to take me back to the car."

Surrogacy

There was a glimmer of hope three months later when a lady came forward via Facebook to offer being a surrogate for them, but when she herself fell pregnant, it was no longer an option.

In spite of feeling happy for her, Jo did have to contend with her own sadness.

In the meantime they looked into fostering and adoption: "We have a lovely home and lots of love to give.

"We were gutted when they said no due to my being on morphine based drugs."

A year later they had to cope with more disappointment when they were let down by a friend who offered to carry their baby.

This prompted Jo and James to go via a surrogacy agency. Their lifeline has been the potential surrogate who, in offering her eggs, has reduced their costs by £5000.

Now they are hoping to meet this target via their gofundme page and have just over £7000 to go before January 2016.

Jo already feels an immense sense of gratitude to those who have helped them.

"We have had so much love and support it has been amazing."
"Of course there will be some people who disagree, and that is fine, but they are not walking in our shoes."

"I know people have said, 'how can she look after a child if she can't work?'

"But the answer is 'being disabled doesn't make you incapable' and there are millions of disabled people who are very successful parents.

"If we are lucky enough to have a child through surrogacy then our child will have it drilled into them that work brings you great rewards.

"We are selling everything we can to get the money together, but we will have a shortfall, so if people can empathise and help then that is amazing.

"The surrogacy world is awesome and the surrogates who do this and turn their own lives upside down to help couples like us are truly amazing and we have met so many great people some of which are now family friends."
http://www.mirror.co.uk/

Surrogacy for UK couples


A record number of British children were conceived via surrogacy, according to the official data. The number of children born with the help of surrogate mothers abroad and registered in the UK during the last six years increased by 265%.

Surrogacy is prohibited in the UK. Advertising of surrogacy service and surrogate mothers’ selection are also banned in the UK. Only non-commercial surrogacy is permitted - surrogate mother does not receive money for childbearing. It’s rather difficult to find a woman who will agree to carry a child for the infertile couple. Living standards in the United Kingdom is rather high so women there are not interested at such procedures.  

Therefore infertile British families go abroad in order to use assisted methods of reproductive medicine. Ukrainian center for human reproduction BioTexCom is popular medical destination for Englishmen. Center welcomes more than 90 couples from the United Kingdom each year. At first most Europeans are afraid of traveling to Ukraine – third world county, military actions in the Eastern Ukraine, lame-duck economy, etc. But visiting Ukraine, foreigners see just another picture, with own eyes – extremely beautiful state, friendly people, and high level of reproductive medicine.

Net promoter of Ukrainian surrogacy is surrogate mothers. Surrogacy is allowed in Ukraine. And there are a lot of middle class women who agree to carry a healthy child for the infertile family from UK. These women are healthy, beautiful and educated. They participate in such medical programs due to the own needs – lack of money for close to her person’s treatment, own child’s education, accommodation problems, and others.

In Ukraine, UK citizens conduct the surrogacy program absolutely legally. Now they can receive Emergency Travel Document (sometimes known as an emergency passport). This document lets British national couples leave Ukraine with a newborn baby conceived via surrogacy in shortest terms. Reaching home couple submits documents for parental order in order to become legal parents and receive child’s registration as a UK citizen.  

It must be noted that year ago it was much harder to receive official registration in the UK after child’s birth in Ukraine via surrogacy. Earlier parents should wait about six months in order to register their child. Now the waiting time had been reduced to two months. The UK legal solution for resolving parenthood in surrogacy cases is a parental order.  This is a court order which makes the intended parents the legal parents of the child.  

Once a parental order is made, the birth will be re-registered to record both intended parents as the legal parents, and a new birth certificate will be issued. Before leaving Ukrainian clinic, parents receive surrogate mother’s official deny declaration (it confirms surrogate mother has no rights and obligations concerning child she gave birth).
A great number of UK families visit BioTexCom and successfully come back come with their newborn. Here you can see one of the stories told by one of British couples after their visit to the BioTexCom.
     


Friday, July 10, 2015

Need an egg donor? Don't look in Israel


Those are how many Jewish women in Israel donated eggs in 2012, 2013, and 2014, respectively, since the Israeli government allowed compensation for the process, in order to encourage women to have it done.

Yet supply cannot meet demand in Israel and each year, hundreds of Israeli women who cannot conceive using their own oocytes (eggs) must travel abroad to purchase eggs donated by other (usually younger) women, and transfer the embryos – fertilized with their partner’s or a donor’s sperm -- into their wombs. (The younger the egg, the better the chance of a healthy pregnancy, irrespective of the age of the mother carrying the baby, up till about age 45.)

In 2010 the Knesset enacted laws to regulate egg donation. In 2013, hoping to encourage oocyte donation, an amendment was passed, increasing the money an egg donor receives per egg-donation cycle to NIS 20,302 (roughly $5,000) – of which roughly half is actual payment by the egg recipient, and half is reimbursement of the donor's costs.

Any unmarried woman aged 21 to 35 may donate eggs; or any woman (outside that age range) who is undergoing IVF, the Health Ministry says. Before the process can start, a hospital committee will interview the potential donor to ensure she is embarking on donation of her own free will. A preliminary interview with a psychologist is also mandatory.

A married woman may donate eggs, with special permission, and with the stipulation that she not be related to the egg recipient (or designated father). The donor must also agree in advance to having her personal information included in a Health Ministry database.

No more than three cycles of egg retrieval may be done, with a gap of 180 days between each "donation" cycle. And finally, the donor may not be advised who will be getting her eggs, barring special circumstances.

Still dependent on foreign eggs

Yet Israeli women remain dependent on "foreign" eggs. In 2005 the Health Ministry approved six foreign clinics working in conjunction with Israeli hospitals and medical centers, to provide egg donation services (retrieve the ova, combine with provided sperm, then transfer the resultant embryos in their Israeli patients). Three of these foreign clinics are in Ukraine, two in the Czech Republic, and one in New Jersey.

Exact figures of how many women undergo this procedure, and its success rates, are not tallied. There is also no general registry of Israeli children born from donor eggs.

Since a single "cohort" of eggs retrieved from a one donor may be shared between two to three women, Israel could have genetically related children who don't even know it. (Egg-donor doctors say the chances of that are tiny.)

The cost of the entire process, from paying the donor, to retrieval, to embryo transfer and travel too may run anywhere from $8,000-$12,000 per cycle; Israel's national health insurance covers part of the cost for two donation-embryo implantation cycles, for qualifying citizens.

But cultural opposition in Israel to donating eggs might be hard to change, partly because of past scandals.

In 2000, police investigated claims that certain Israeli doctors were over-stimulating the ovaries of patients to induce over-production of eggs, which they then sold without permission. One doctor was suspended, another reprimanded.

Israeli doctors have also been associated with scandals overseas: in 2009 and 2013 Romania charged Israeli doctors, in two separate incidences, of exceeding the boundaries of their local operating permits and illegally trading in human eggs, harvesting them without permits from Romanian women for sale to other women, including Israelis. Both times, doctors denied any wrongdoing.

Payment per cycle

Egg donation laws vary enormously by country: In Germany, Italy, Norway and Austria it's illegal. In France, it’s only legal if it’s anonymous and gratuitous—without any compensation for the egg donor.

In Canada it’s legal only if it’s non-anonymous and gratuitous, meaning free and the donor is known.

In Spain, the Czech Republic and South Africa, it’s legal only if it’s anonymous, but egg donors may be compensated. In the UK donors may be compensated, but it’s legal only if it’s non-anonymous. And in the U.S. it’s legal whether or not it is anonymous, and egg donors may be compensated – the American Society for Reproductive Medicine mandates between $5,000-$10,000 for the donor (not including travel or medication).

In countries where compensation is permitted, it is for the medical procedure rather than the eggs, since the sale of body parts is illegal in much of the world. Put otherwise, donors are paid for their cycles, regardless of how many eggs are produced.

Quest for a Jewish egg

Cost, time and anonymity of donors may present barriers for women around the world who want to use egg donors. Information on the donor may be sparse. In the U.S., and in foreign clinics used by Israel, donor profiles are quite in-depth, providing everything from IQ, psychological profile, baby pictures and family history, instead of just the basics, like eye and hair color, age, blood type and profession.

Cost can be a barrier too. In the U.S. the procedure can cost more than $20,000. (Egg donor compensation cannot exceed $10,000 but the clinic itself costs thousands of dollars).

Eggs from Jews, like from other sought-after groups such as Ivy League graduates, can cost a premium. For example, A Jewish Blessing, a U.S. nurse-run organization matching Jewish egg donors and surrogates to parents, charges a $7,000 matching fee, in addition to the $8,000 fee to the donor, and another $2,000-5,000 in various expenses, including a Beit Din - rabbinical court to confirm the donor is Jewish.

Religious leaders in Israel would like to see more Israeli Jews donate eggs, especially since the halachic status of egg donor babies is disputed. Meanwhile, since it's all but impossible to get a "Jewish egg" in Israel, some rabbis hold that only the woman actually carrying the baby needs to be Jewish for the baby to be Jewish.

Traveling for donated eggs

Meanwhile, since egg donation in Israel remains so rare, Israeli clinics must resort to foreign eggs, and different clinics handle their foreign programs differently.

Typically, Israeli clinics handling egg donation take groups of women abroad for the procedure. Sperm is collected, frozen and sent in advance to fertilize the eggs retrieved from the foreign donors. Israeli women receiving the eggs may travel abroad for 2-3 days, with hotel and ground transportation arranged by the Israeli clinic.

Some, like Dr. Jacob Levron, take over the local (Ukrainian) clinic one weekend a month. He brings his own embryologist, and performs the embryo transfer himself. Others, like the doctors at Hadassah Medical Center, oversee the local (Czech) clinic, but do not perform procedures.

Most clinics offer six donor eggs for about $10,000 dollars, but some (like Levron) offer a guarantee that there will be enough for two embryo transfers, if the first transfer does not result in a viable pregnancy.

For an additional fee, a woman can buy the entire "cohort" – i.e., all the eggs retrieved from a donor during one particular cycle to use for future use. (Although this is no guarantee she has exclusivity over the donor’s eggs: a donor can do up to three cycles with one clinic.)

In recent years, Israeli doctors have been able to transport fresh embryos back to Israel, to perform the implantation procedure in Israel. (These embryos, transported in a CO2 incubator, are not frozen, but are considered fresh, almost equivalent to being in situ.) In an October, 2014 paper, Levron and his partner Prof. David Bider concluded that transporting human embryos using portable a CO2 incubator is safe and does not jeopardize their developmental potential.

Egg donation is not a guarantee for a baby – although it usually offers a higher success rate than an older woman using her own eggs. Levron estimates the success rate at 40%-50%. Prof. Ariel Revel of Hadassah Medical Center cites a 47% live baby rate.

In 2012, the Society for American Reproductive Technology cited a 56.6% live birth rate using fresh embryos, and 37.2% for frozen embryos (which are easier to coordinate, because the donor and recipient do not need to be coordinated together).

Of course women seeking cheaper options outside their home countries can go directly to any clinic they choose, and deal directly with the local staff; or they can undergo their procedures in approved clinics under the wing of an Israeli practitioner, says Revel, head of Ovum Donation (Fertility) & Egg Preservation at Hadassah, the only public hospital approved for IVF (Shaare Zedek Medical Center doctors work with Hadassah).

“We’ve had patients from the U.S. and Canada, Australia, France and Russia,” he says. “They want the expertise of Hadassah and its long tradition of IVF,” he said, noting the Israeli prices are cheaper than going directly through the Czech Republic clinic.

To tell, or not to tell

Israeli clinics do their best to match donor characteristics with the parents’ request – including height, weight, hair color, eye color, age, profession, education and blood type. But the available pool of donors is constrained by their region of origin. Ukraine may not have too many olive-skinned brunettes, for instance.

In Israel, egg donor information is private – only the clinics know the donor, which cannot be disclosed to the parent or child. This however is not always the case overseas - for instance, in England. “We get a lot of patients from the U.K. because at the age of 18 children can find out who their genetic parents are, by law,” said Dr. Jacob Levron.

When it comes to telling the child, opinions differ again. In America, fertility organizations recommend disclosure when conception involves a donor (sperm donor, egg donor, embryo donor, surrogate, etc). “With few exceptions, in the best interests of your child and your family as a whole, it is best if your child grew up with the knowledge that they are not genetically related to one (or both) of their parents but still loved,” Resolve, an American infertility association advises, noting that secrets can be damaging, and can lead to feelings of betrayal.

But in Israel, many prefer to keep it secret, Revel says, although he personally recommends disclosure.

“Why would you tell anyone?” one egg donation nurse coordinator says. “That’s between you and your husband. Israel is not like America. People can be very judgmental.”
http://www.haaretz.com/

Thursday, July 9, 2015

Being an egg donor


In women between the ages of 33 - 35 years, the requirement for egg donors is about 10- 20% and increases as women get older, in women older than 40 years, a large majority of them require egg donors. Also, since Indian women undergo menopause approximately five years earlier than women in  the west, the quality of eggs retrieved at the same age is lower in Indian women as compared to their western counterparts, and hence they require egg donations much earlier.

On selection of egg donors: “Most donors come from agencies but they are not run by professionals. An egg donor is selected based on her physical characteristics to match the recipient in terms of colour of skin, hair, eyes and height, etc. We also carry out investigations to check if they carry any infections or genetic disorders. All relevant medical tests besides eliciting a detailed medical history are done to evaluate their overall health.

On Risks: “Usually there are no complications with the process of retrieval yet we do follow up with the donors till about a week after the process. Very rarely, during the retrieval process, the needle may hit a blood vessel in the ovary and blood may slowly ooze and the donor may collapse suddenly even 2-3 days after the process.

There are some clinics which overdo the stimulation of the ovaries so as to retrieve as many eggs as possible and share those eggs between couples. Side-effects of such hyper-stimulation include distended ovaries, filling of fluid in the abdominal cavity which may require  hospitalization and sometimes care in an ICU.”

Increase the minimum age of donors: “The age limit to utilize an egg donor above the age of 21 years are allowed to be donors according to the as per the ICMR guidelines. However this means college girls or young girls who do not fully understand the risks of the procedure, seek egg donation as an option for better earning towards a better lifestyle.

Many of these college girls cite the reason for offering egg donation to fund their cosmetic surgeries. They do not understand that egg donation, may affect their own fertility due to various reasons in the future.

Yet I feel that the minimum age of egg donors should be increased from 21 to 25 years because, these young girls would then be mature enough to make a well informed choice, so that they themselves do not have to go for IVF in the process of assisting others to have babies.” (The author is a gynecologist and director of Gynaecworld- the centre for Women’s health and fertility, Mumbai)
By Dr Duru Shah
http://www.thehansindia.com/

Egg donations: Talking to your child about their origin


For many couples coping with infertility, egg donation is their only chance of having a family. But how do you talk to your child about it and ensure they have a strong sense of identity? asks Helen O’Callaghan

WHEN Ellen* was handed her newborn twins, she hugged them, whispering the words she’d planned from their conception: “we want to thank the donor lady who lives far, far away, for helping Mammy and Daddy to have you,” she said.

For the Dublin mother, whose babies were conceived with her husband’s sperm and a Ukrainian donor’s egg, telling the babies their origins was symbolic.

“I told them literally from the first day of their life — they would always know,” she says.

Donor conception can be complicated to explain and controversial to talk about. For Ellen, telling her minutes-old babies was about normalising it.

“If you start telling them when they’re babies, it doesn’t matter what you say. It gets you used to saying it out loud. It helps you find what words sound best.”

Ellen — in her mid-40s when she gave birth — had miscarried in her late 30s.

At 43, she was given a 0.2% chance of conception using her own eggs. For her, egg donation represented “the most unbelievable ray of hope”. Waking up to the sounds of her now four-year-old twins is like Christmas every day.

Not telling the children the truth of their origins would have been unimaginable, she says.

“I couldn’t conceal such a vital piece of information from the two most important people in my life.” The family refer to the donor as the ‘the donor lady’.

“The children know when you want a baby that you need a cell from the lady and a seed from the man. I told them Mammy’s tummy wasn’t working properly, that I went to see a doctor who told me ‘not to worry’ and he found a kind lady who was able to give us a cell.”

Ellen believes in telling children a little at a time and in being consistent and age-appropriate.

“When they become aware of how babies are made, the information will be more scientific. We got a detailed medical profile [of donor] that will be relevant.”

The family don’t talk about it everyday.

“That would make it a big deal. We talk about it occasionally. If something about the Ukraine comes on TV, we say ‘that’s where the donor lady lives’. I’m doing a personal picture storybook for them. It will have photos of their father and me before we had them. The doctors at the clinic sent photos of themselves and there’ll be pictures of me pregnant, and of us in hospital when they were born,” Ellen says.

She knows there are hurdles ahead. She’s teaching her children to differentiate between secrets and private family matters.

“You don’t tell your family business to everybody — that’s what I’ll say to them.” This is to protect them from any shocked reactions.

“When they’re teens and angry with me because I won’t let them go to an all-night party, I don’t doubt they’ll say ‘you’re not my real mother anyway’. But I don’t think there’s anything they could ask that I wouldn’t expect to be able to answer,” Ellen says.

Róisín Venables, chairperson of the Irish Fertility Counsellors’ Association, says couples don’t always tell their children they were conceived via egg donation. “They may have endured years of fertility investigation and treatment. Their sexual life may be non-existent, because it was all timed. They may say ‘we’ve had enough, why would we tell and make it more complicated, when we could just carry on as if this was a ‘normal’ pregnancy’?”she says.

Once baby arrives, intentions to tell may change. “Sometimes, couples with no intention of telling begin questioning that. Or, those who definitely intended to tell now start getting cold feet,” Róisín says. Donor babies are “hard-earned babies”, she says — add on the difficulties of parenthood and telling may seem a step too far. “Couples have gone though so much to have their children. They want it all to be beautiful. Sometimes, reality’s a different picture — the baby’s colicky or they don’t bond immediately, as can happen with any parent.” Venables encourages couples towards openness and honesty with the child.

It’s easier for them if they’re strong in their desire and decision to have a baby via egg donation. “The ideal situation is that if you ask an 11-year-old when they were first told they were donor-conceived and their answer is ‘I’ve always known’. Because they don’t feel different — they just are who they are,” Róisín says.

She says couples who intend to tell their children about their origins should do it properly. She recommends telling gently and subtly. “Some of my clients keep a personalised diary [for the child].”

Helen Browne, NISIG (National Infertility Support and Information Group) co-founder, recalls one mother’s story of her six-year-old asking how she came to be. “Every spring, the child watched Mum plant daffodil bulbs, so Mum said: ‘for a baby, you need a mummy seed and a daddy seed. Mummy didn’t have any seeds, so she and Daddy went to hospital, where a lady gave her seed to a doctor and the doctor put this seed and Daddy’s seed into Mummy’s tummy and you grew inside me’.

Browne loves the simplicity of this explanation. She believes in not overloading a child’s mind with information and in letting him/her know that if they have any question they should ask their parents.

Venables says children are resilient and accepting, if given age-appropriate information, but parents should watch the language they use when talking about the donor. Terms like ‘genetic mother’ or ‘real mother’ are unhelpful. “The woman who donated her eggs is not the mother — she has donated a gamete to facilitate another woman to become a mother. She is the ‘donor’. If you use language like ‘real mother’, the child may ask ‘who am I — what’s my real mother like’?”

Declan Keane, director of ReproMed, a national network of fertility clinics (www.repromed.ie), sees 140 women annually opting for egg donation. Preparation and planning are keys to success in life, he says — equally so when telling a child they were donor-conceived. He agrees that children will ask questions — perhaps as teens — that will surprise parents. “How do parents handle questions they haven’t even thought of, like ‘did you buy me’?”

Venables concurs. “Children could ask [potentially] hurtful questions, like ‘why did you take that lady’s eggs?’ They may push parents to the pin of their collar to answer questions, without feeling they’re being personally attacked.” For parents, she says, it’s about being comfortable with the journey they took to become parents. “So they can meet head on any difficult questions they’re asked, without personalising it.”

‘500 Irishwomen a year’ opt for egg donation

There is no database of the numbers of Irishwomen who are opting for egg donation. Declan Keane, of ReproMed, estimates it’s 500 women annually. NISIG receives three to four calls per week inquiring about egg donation.

Sims IVF brings frozen sperm abroad, where it fertilises donor egg. Frozen embryo is returned and transferred to the recipient woman.

Other Irish fertility clinics link with clinics abroad. When couples travel abroad, the process happens there. with the donor undergoing IVF and the recipient taking medication to thicken uterus lining.

Who seeks egg donation? Women who’ve had early menopause; women in late 30s to mid-40s who have poor egg quality; women at risk of passing on a genetic disease; women whose fertility has been compromised by cancer treatment.

Anonymous donor: the child will never be able to contact/communicate with her. Non-anonymous donor: the child can make contact when they reach 18. Most Irish couples opt for anonymous egg donation (Spain, Czech Republic) over non-anonymous (UK). Waiting list for the former is six to eight weeks — for the latter it’s six to 12 months.
http://www.irishexaminer.com/