What does genetic mother feel using services of surrogate mother?

Today surrogate mother can carry a child who genetically will be related to parents who can not give birth naturally. Doctors spermatize mother’s egg with father’s sperm in vitro and then transfer embryo into the womb of a surrogate mother. Thus, strange healthy woman will only carry your child and will have no relation with a newborn. But is it easy to come to terms with the fact that stranger carried your child during 9 months and felt all aspects related to childbirth? We spoke with a psychologist and asked whether there is a difference between relation concerning child of mother who gave birth and those one who receive a baby from surrogate mother. 

Psychologist: Yes, it can be a certain difference. There are cases when parents who have used services of surrogate mother experience a certain jealousy related to this woman. Sometimes biological mother ask herself: “Maybe she is also a mother of my child, maybe she is more mother than I can be, after all, maybe my child received something from her child on genetic level, etc. In such cases, I always reassure parents and explain that such child will definitely get something - hormones, food, etc., but nothing more! Sometimes biological parents are beware of the fact that surrogate mother can get away with their child. It’s important to remember - if you go through the program in the accredited clinic that works on a legal basis according to the local laws and norms, there will be no problems with surrogate mother and the whole process. As clinic and its staff are interested in program’s success and child is taken away from surrogate mother immediately after birth and they have any contacts between each other. So, some families have such rueful feelings but I'm not talking about all of them.

Taking into account your experience in this topic, can you tell us how quickly contact between genetic mother and child born by surrogate mother is established?

Psychologist: In general, it depends on parents and training, which they must pass before child’s birth. In any case, this child is more than a long-awaited. It’s very important for parents to realize and understand full blast that child is the main member of the family, parents love him and they will take care of him. Of course, the fact that genetic mother did not go through all physiological sensations that woman who carried a child pass, can affect a little the inner feelings, and as a result, behaviour of biological mother. But, special courses, consultation with a good psychologist and just an inner attitude of mind and awareness of the fact that you are parents and reply for your child’s life will help to overcome any difficulties associated with the surrogacy process. In addition, experts always advise not to maintain close contacts with a surrogate mother and not try to be with her friends. It will minimize some jealousy, fears, etc.

Birth of so long-awaited baby is a great happiness and life continuation. So do not spend your energy and emotions for jealousy and fears concerning woman who gave birth to your child! It will be better to expend positive emotions and time in your beloved own child!