Choosing a program of egg/sperm donation infertile
couples often face with rather difficult emotional situations. For both men and
women it can be difficult to accept the fact that their child will have a set
of foreign genes. Nevertheless using donated eggs or sperm can be a wonderful
choice for couples who have been down the difficult road of unsuccessful
infertility treatment. Each situation often leaves couples with unfulfilled
dreams, intense disappointment and feelings of grief, sadness, anger and
exhaustion. Making the choice to use third party reproduction offers the
possibility of being pregnant and having a child who has a genetic connection
to one of its parents. As in any major life decision, there are issues and
feelings to consider.
Choosing a donor is a very emotional process for many
couples. Couples will want to discuss what characteristics and traits are most
important to them in a donor and to understand their feelings about using a
donor. Some couples are very focused on finding the perfect donor who looks
most like the recipient. However, it is impossible to know how the combination
of genes will express themselves in the child. Worries about being able to bond
with the child usually occur at the beginning of this process. As a pregnancy
progresses, worries about bonding usually diminish. However, feelings related
to the loss of and longing for the genetic connection may recur at times. These
are normal feelings and do not mean that you are not bonded with your child.
One of the most important and sometimes most difficult
issues that couples confront is that of sharing their family building
information with others and with their child. At first the information shared
is about the pregnancy, but ultimately it is information about your child and
your family. Obstetricians, pediatricians and close family members and friends
are usually those with whom couples feel comfortable sharing this private
information.
Whether to share this information with your child can
be a source of anxiety for some couples. Some couples are fearful that if the
child knew that donor gametes were used that it would harm and diminish the
parent-child bond. Others want to protect the child from the pain this knowledge
might cause them. It is important to weigh these fears against the burdens of
keeping such an important secret. Sharing this information gives a loving and
affirming message about your desire to have this child and your openness and
resilience as a family.
There are many issues and feelings to explore in
making the decision to use third party reproduction. Working through these
issues and feelings will allow you to make an informed choice and pursue a new
vision of building your family with greater ease. On the clinical end,
psychologists are helping ART clients prepare for and handle parenthood when it
comes. Encouraging clients to engage early on in stress reduction, support
groups and couples counseling helps not only during treatment, but once a baby
comes, note specialists.
Fears can be especially strong if a baby is the
product of donor sperm, eggs or both, doctors add. In fact, it often takes time
for couples unsuccessful with IVF to decide to use donor gametes.
For those who decide to take this route, experts help
them to grieve the biologically, genetically shared child they had hoped for
and to imagine and work through how they'll feel once their child is born.
"People need to figure out how they'll react when
people say things like, 'Whose eyes does this child have?'" doctor says.
In any case parents who decided to use ART, egg or
sperm donation in particular, must gird up their loins and love child as he
will be their own one. Parents-to-be can visit pre-entry courses and have
consultations by professional psychologist. Starting the medical program couple
should clearly understand their baby will see the world in 9 months and he has
already chosen a lovely family. So parents have no right to throw doubt upon
child’s genes. Couples who use ART must know and remember that child born with
the help of assisted reproductive medicine is their own beyond a shadow of
doubt.
Source http://www.resolve.org/
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