Sharing personal stories of infertility can be extremely difficult, even painful for some couples. Opening up your medical history and recalling heart-wrenching moments – dozens of negative pregnancy tests, chemical pregnancies and miscarriages – for the entire world to scrutinize is hard.
Two Utah moms - Cristi Bastian and Robin White - however, have been documenting their unique story for thousands to read, share and find comfort in.
Robin, a mother of three children from Bluffdale, is pregnant for a fourth time. This baby however, is not her own. She is a gestational surrogate. She is carrying a baby boy for Cristi and her husband Jeff Bastian.
Cristi's story
Cristi is already the proud momma of two rambunctious little boys – Leo, age 5, and Rex, age 3. But becoming a parent did not come easily for this former Lindon resident. In fact, with several known health concerns, Cristi knew the quest for motherhood would be a battle.
Cristi and Jeff have struggled for a total of 10 years with infertility. They have gone through endless doctor’s appointments, testing, treatments and more as they analyzed every option to bring a baby into this world.
Eager to get their family started, the Bastians officially became a family when they adopted Leo as a newborn five years ago.
Naturally wanting a sibling for Leo, Jeff and Cristi enlisted the help of the fertility specialists at the Utah Fertility Center in Pleasant Grove and were blessed to conceive their second boy, Rex, through their second attempt at in vitro fertilization. Pregnancy proved difficult for Cristi, especially when she was ordered on bed rest at the 20th week. Even then, little Rex was born via emergency Cesarean section at 36 weeks.
Hoping once again to add to their family, Cristi endured three more difficult rounds of IVF. “We thought, let’s just try again. If I’m meant to get pregnant, I’ll get pregnant,” she said.
After Cristi’s last round of in vitro, in fact the night before she was scheduled to take a blood test to determine if she was pregnant, she said she had a spiritual confirmation that there was an alternate way for her to bring another baby in to her family.
“I had this thought, ‘Maybe you’re not the one that’s supposed to carry your baby.’”
She immediately began researching surrogacy.
As active members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, Cristi knew the Bishop’s Handbook stated the church “strongly discourages surrogate motherhood.”
“But why am I getting this feeling?” she wondered.
After a few months of struggling through possibilities and looking for answers, the Bastians decided to counsel with their bishop on the idea of gestational surrogacy. Receiving thoughtful encouragement from their bishop, they were counseled to seek a more definitive answer from their stake president.
“Another baby is in our future,” Cristi said. “This is something we have to do.”
Crafting a letter that was sent to church headquarters, the Bastians soon received an answer from the First Presidency which indicated that gestational surrogacy should be considered on a case by case basis and should be a prayerful decision between the couple and the Lord.
If the First Presidency had said no, Cristi said, “we would never have pursued this.”
With peace of mind, the Bastians reached out to the Utah Fertility Center to inquire about the gestational surrogacy option.
“That’s where [Robin] comes in and saves the day,” Cristi said.
Robin's story
After the birth of her third and last baby, Robin had the strong desire to become a gestational surrogate, initially for her sister who was struggling with her own infertility. “She ended up having [a baby] through IVF,” Robin said.
Still wanting to help a couple add to their family, Robin contacted the Utah Fertility Center. After a few months, Robin met Cristi and Jeff. That first meeting was “pretty much a cry fest,” Robin said.
“It was nerve-wracking, to be honest with you,” Robin said of the decision to become a gestational carrier.
“There’s a lot to think about before doing something like this. It’s a really scary decision,” she said before adding, “This is obviously something I’m meant to do.”
“I had to have the right couple. This isn’t something I could do for just anybody,” Robin said. “I knew, walking out of that office that they (the Bastians) were the right couple to do this for.”
That initial meeting was in February 2014. For the next few months both women were put on hormone therapies to encourage both women’s cycles to align, help Cristi produce healthy eggs and help Robin’s womb prepare for the embryo implantation.
The entire process was a success and Robin is due to deliver Cristi and Jeff’s new baby boy the first week of April.
Through all of the joy and excitement, the sonograms, ultra sounds and continued doctor’s visits, Robin has had an entire cheering squad. Of course her husband, Kevin, has been by her side as she has suffered through an exceptionally difficult first trimester, but she has also had the love and support of Cristi, Jeff and the baby’s soon-to-be big brothers. “My life is her life right now,” Robin said.
The two families have also become quite close with friendships growing not only between Cristi and Robin, but their husbands as well. “We were meant to be friends with Robin and Kevin,” Cristi said.
Throughout the entire pregnancy both moms have taken careful consideration to effectively communicate exactly what is happening to their young children.
“Our kids are both really little, but they understand what’s going on,” Cristi said. “They understand that our baby is in Robin’s tummy.”
Robin’s children also have a glimmer of what’s going on. They will often come up and rub Robin’s tummy and say, “Hi Cristi’s baby.”
In fact, part of the screening and preparatory process for gestational surrogacy is preparing the children. “So when I talk to them it’s very much … ‘Cristi’s baby in my tummy is growing. He’s kicking me right now,’” Robin said. “They know that Mommy’s not bringing a baby home, that I’m just taking care of him. That’s how we try to phrase it on a 4-year-old level.”
“It’s fun for our kids, because they all came from somebody else,” Cristi said. So 5-year-old Leo will gladly point out “’I came from Kayli’s tummy [his birth mom], Rexy came from Mommy’s tummy. Our next baby’s in Robin’s tummy. Mommy came from Grandma’s tummy. Daddy came from Mimi’s tummy.’ In his world it’s totally normal.”
As the baby’s due date nears, the excitement continues to build for both mothers.
Robin is preparing for her extended family to come to Utah to help her recover after the delivery and hospital stay. And Cristi and Jeff, who have recently relocated to California, are booking flights and preparing a nursery in their new home.
Throughout the remaining weeks, and even after delivery the two moms will continue to share their story on the blog. “We wanted to do that … to be open,” Cristi said. “I’ve suffered from infertility for 10 years. I know that’s a thing a lot of people struggle with. It’s hard. I feel like it’s something that can help people, our decision to be open about this journey, especially.
“I’ve gone through the whole gamut. I’ve been through adoption. I’ve been through in vitro. And now a gestational carrier. It’s a unique experience to be open about the options available.”
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