"There was a
time when I thought I would never want children. Now, I can’t imagine a life
without the two beautiful boys I had in my 40′s. When I was younger, I
didn’t expect to need help conceiving. I started trying at 28, but after a year
nothing had happened. My husband and I went for all of the necessary testing
and I was finally diagnosed as having “unexplained infertility”.
Our
fertility specialist suggested Intrauterine Insemination (IUI). Since we didn’t
know the cause of our infertility, we figured it was a crap-shoot as to what
would finally bring us a baby! While our first IUI was a success, it turned out
to be a blighted ovum—a fertilized egg that implants but never turns into a
baby. Devastated doesn’t begin to describe the feeling I felt when I received
the news! We tried again…and again…and again. We must have blown through eight
or nine more IUIs before I realized that I was turning 31 soon. At this point doctor
suggested to go for an IVF consultation with a Reproductive Endocrinologist.
After
the consult, we decided we would proceed with an IVF. We were, like most newbie
IVF’ers, positive it would work the first time! Well, it didn’t. The
second attempt was a bust as well. This is when the doctor unceremoniously
told me that my eggs were shot, and that I had to use donor eggs.
I just
couldn’t fathom not using my own eggs, not seeing some part of me, or my
family, in this wee little face. We decided to go to another attempts and two
IVFs later I received the same news at the age of 33, though this time it
was with a bit more compassion.
That’s when
I made some life changes. I took a few months off from cycling just to wrap my
head around everything that had transpired.
I rearranged
my life, got a new job in a different field, and tried a few more IUIs just in
case there happened to be that one stray good egg in there! But I was
about to turn 36 years old—and labeled as “advanced maternal age”. To give
birth to another child, I would have to accept and embrace the changes my body
had gone through, and decide the best and most acceptable course of
action. I was now filled with a new and exciting sense of hope!
We began our
search online, and met with several donor agency coordinators. It was a
difficult search, and finally we came upon a wonderful woman who
seemed to fulfill everything we were looking for in a donor. She even looked a
bit like me and had a similar background!
After the
legalities, we started a cycle. She and I both followed every instruction from
the clinic, and 3 months later, the phone rang, I nearly fell off my chair! It
was the doctor with some wonderful news…I was pregnant!
I think I
held my breath the entire nine months until my little baby came out healthy and
beautiful! And I was 3 months into my 41st year!
But it
wasn’t over yet. Three years later we decided to try for a sibling. We had a
few frozen embryos left from the last cycle, and two had survived the thaw, so
we had them transferred. Unfortunately they did not implant.
Worse, our
first donor was now unavailable. It took a couple of years, and two more donors
who failed the criteria, before we found the perfect donor who had passed all
of her screening tests. With greatest fortune we conceived our second child
when I was 49. He was born just 3 months shy of my 50th birthday!
It’s funny,
but despite a fertility journey lasting more than two decades, I can’t imagine
anything I would do differently! It took all of those experiences to become the
mom that I am today! I am so filled with love for my beautiful family—calm,
collected, and fulfilled".
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