When children learn at an early age that their parents used an egg donor,
the disclosure process is easier than when the kids don't hear the facts until
they're older, a recent study suggests.
Researchers surveyed 72 parents of 66 children who had been conceived using
donor eggs. The children, from 46 families, ranged in age from 7 to 19 years
old at the time of the survey.
Previous studies have focused on parental intentions to disclose but not on
what actually occurred in the disclosure process, the researchers note in the
journal Human Reproduction.
Twenty of the 46 families had disclosed to their children that an egg donor
was used in their conception. The average age of the children when they heard
the news was five and a half, but ages at disclosure ranged from 1 to 13 years.
"Families disclosing to children by the age of 8 reported the lowest
levels of conflict regarding the disclosure process and the highest levels of
satisfaction at having disclosed early," the authors write.
They also found that parents reported feeling more anxious about disclosure
the longer they waited.
"Waiting for the 'right' time to disclose can inadvertently lead to
prolonged/unintended delays and heightened parental anxiety as children get
older and they are faced with disclosing to adolescents or even older
children," coauthor Nancy Kaufman, a licensed clinical social worker in
private practice in New York City, told Reuters Health by email.
"We were most surprised by the number of parents who despite wanting
to be open and honest with their children have delayed disclosure," said
lead author Linda Applegarth of Weill Cornell Medical College in New York City.
Of the 26 families that had yet to disclose the information, 18 still
planned to do so. The average age of the children in this group was 11 years
old. At this age, they are "close to the teen years where there might be
more resentment about not being told earlier, and parents worry about
this," Applegarth said.
Primary reasons for disclosure were the child's right to know, the desire
to be open and honest and the notion that family secrets are harmful. For
families who still intended to disclose, primary reasons for delayed disclosure
included never finding the right time and uncertainty about how to disclose.
Half of the families that had already disclosed the information had sought
mental health assistance, compared to only two of the 18 families that still
planned to disclose but hadn't yet accomplished it.
The study had limitations. For example, only 12 percent of those who were
invited to participate actually did. The researchers had originally mailed
invitations to 459 families to attend a seminar on disclosure in egg donation
at which the survey was administered, but only 46 families sent
representatives.
In many cases, the addresses may not have been up to date, Applegarth said.
The investigators clearly state that this is a preliminary study, said
Patricia Hershberger of the College of Nursing at the University of Illinois at
Chicago. Still, Hershberger said, the seminar might have affected the parents'
attitudes and perceptions about disclosure.
Nevertheless, the study "provides much needed insight into
understanding how parents in the U.S. approach disclosing the true conceptual
origins to their donor-egg conceived children," Hershberger said.
"The findings have implications for both parents and healthcare
practitioners," she added. "For parents, the findings encourage early
disclosure and for practitioners, the findings suggest that follow-up is
important, especially for some parents. Which parents can best be helped by
follow-up is yet to be determined and an area for future research."
Applegarth said parents who attended the seminar felt it was helpful to
meet other families in the same situation. She hopes reproductive clinics will
focus more on support services for families.
Parents should also seek out clinics that will help them with future
conversations, Applegarth said.
"Families are very attached to where they got their children,"
and there's comfort in returning to the clinic for help with difficult
conversations, she said.